Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Productivity of Limbo

I'm bored. This is one of those times between classes where it's barely too much time to be able to go back to the dorm and hang out without having to leave for class 15 minutes later. I usually decide whether or not to do so based on a combination of what I want to do at the dorm in those 15 minutes, what I know I would end up doing there, and whether or not I'm OK with being late to my next class because 15 minutes just isn't enough time to complete anything for me. Also, if I don't decide to go back before the class ends, it's too late to decide, and I better go find myself a nice place to sit. These limbo times are spent almost entirely on my Nexus 7, because even if you're intently swiping back and forth between your home screens with absolutely no aim, you still look like your being productive.

I put on an act in public, just like everyone else. I almost put "I tend to" there instead, but I realized that wasn't right, I always do. When I say "in public" I mean "around anyone I don't consider to know personally". This act is one of utter apathy and complete self absorption, which is funny because that is the absolute opposite of who I really am, and I don't know why I do it but I can't seem to stop.

Act 2 of myself is the one I use around acquaintances and some friends, and it's the happy one, the one that makes people laugh and seems content with every damn thing in the world. This one I do on purpose, and will continue to do, because why make people feel bad about my problems? They've probably got their own shit to deal with, and to hide, and even if they don't, happiness is better.

That would have been where someone else might have used " life is too short to x so y" but I just spent an extra 3 minutes avoiding it because life isn't short at all for most people, and even if I knew I was destined to live for a thousand years, no amount of life would be long enough to justify making one person less happy.

There's an Act 3 too, and probably an Act 4, but they'll have to wait for next time, because my ADD meds are wearing off, and now I'm bored of this.

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